Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Weight Management

If you’ve known me for a while, you know I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life. I look back now at pictures when I was younger and I think, what was I worried about back then for? The last decade or so, I’ve figured out what the biggest problem actually is. Sugar addiction. Really bad sugar addiction.

Once in my life, I met with a dietician and actually lost 25 pounds. First and last time I ever really had a big success to brag about. Since then, it’s just been that roller coaster thing.

I know when I’ve lost control again. The clue is when you are at your friend’s party and her aunt is waiting in line for the bathroom with you and asks you if this is your first pregnancy. I used to have a rule where anytime I am asked that, I have to get rid of the outfit I was wearing. After all, it must not flatter me, right? That rule didn’t last long when I didn’t have any clothes left. Luckily, that night I was with my super great boyfriend. He told me that in a few hours when we were alone, he would be able to reassure me that I was very attractive. We spent the night joking about “the baby being hungry” and other such lines to make a joke out of it.

The next weekend we were out late and ended up ordering dinner about 11 pm. I ate an entire fish fry and then was still a bit hungry. I joked about the baby being hungry again and I watched his face turn white. He stuttered, “Are you trying to tell me something?” and then I reminded him of the joke. It was hilarious. For me, that is. Poor guy.

Today I was with my dad and sister at the doctor’s. I offered to help this sweet elderly lady ride up the elevator. She didn’t want to go by herself. I was feeling pretty good about myself because she and the staff thought I was so sweet. After the doors closed, she looked at me in her kind voice and asked, “How many months are you?”  Sigh. Definitely time to concentrate on losing weight.

We went out to lunch after the doctor’s. Old Country Buffet. Gorge festival. You know the kind of places. You eat  until it is painful. My favorites filled my plate (more than once). Carb city. Mashed potatoes, french fries, rolls, mac and cheese.

I WILL concentrate on being more healthy.

Tomorrow I guess.


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Crab Legs

Dave eating oysters at Myrtle BeachIt’s Thursday. It’s blog day. I’m blank. Brigitte says to take a walk in the sunshine because it will inspire me. I take a walk in the sunshine. I’m still blank.

I say to Frankie, what should I blog about? He says crab legs and clams. He LOVES crab legs and clams. He won’t eat a hamburg like a normal kid, but he loves those slimy seafood. Oysters too. Yuck.

But he got me thinking about things I am crazy about. It is definitely not slimy food. But food in general? Yep, that’s totally me. Love, love, love to eat food.

I’m not a lazy person by any stretch of the imagination. When it comes to food though, I do NOT like to work for my food. Crab legs aren’t slimy, but they are a lot of work. So is lobster. Too much work for me. I want instant gratification. That’s why buffets are NOT good for my waistline.

I was walking in the woods today with Taffy and ran into a woman walking her two dogs. I recognized her but don’t know her name. She tells me how sick she is of the cold and that she has gained six pounds. I laughed and told her I finally weighed myself on Monday and found out I had gained six pounds too. She said she had fifteen to lose BEFORE the winter started. I laughed again and said that I did too. Not that we really thought it was funny, but what are you going to do? Crying is the only other option.

So after the Monday weigh-in shock (although why I was shocked I have no idea), I started to more earnestly try to eat more healthy. I know exactly what to do, I just need to focus and be disciplined.

That’s all it took. Just a mental decision to try to do better. Since then, I have felt hungry all the time. I want to eat constantly. I went and bought fresh fruits and vegetables, but I crave ice cream like I was pregnant or something. Or chips. Or cookies. Or bread. Or any kind of carbs. Or any kind of sugar.

Ridiculous. My jeans are tight. They actually cut into my skin. That’s enough to motivate anyone, right? So I’m going to keep trying. Right after I eat that one ice cream bar that is left in my freezer :).