Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief

Hockey Moms vs. Hockey Dads

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I think I’ve written about this topic before. You know us psychology types. We can’t just participate in life, we have to observe and analyze it. And when it comes to hockey, it usually either aggravates or amuses me.

Frankie was in a hockey tournament this weekend. Games Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights, not at my favorite rink. They sell a variety of alcohol there, which even amazed Colin. He pointed out that all those drinkers are then driving kids home after. And my point is, hockey people are – well – kinda revved up already. Let’s give those folks some liquor. Seems like a bad idea to me.

One night before the game, the other team’s coach was standing near the doorway talking to a parent. He was asked who they were playing and the coach told him West Seneca. The father made an ugly face and said, “Filthy. Totally filthy.” The coach didn’t respond. You know from my blogs that I am getting a bit ugly myself lately, but I still can’t think fast on my feet. I was stunned. Later when I had gathered my thoughts I went to find that guy to give him a piece of my mind, but fortunately for both of us I couldn’t find him. Going after a male, probably liquored up, hockey father? Not one of my smarter ideas, but I was pissed.

Our team has been undefeated. We have three tall kids that I call giants. They are usually taller than most of the kids on our team as well as the opposing team. But they are not dirty players. And to my knowledge, we don’t have a reputation for being dirty players either.

Bantams are 13-15 year olds, and it is the first time in the league that players can check. The kids think this is great of course. (Although I must confess that Frankie complained after so many games in a row that his ass hurt as well as several other body parts!) And I am quite sure that most of the dads think checking is great too. But us moms? I doubt we will ever get used to it.

Two kids will collide and hit the wall or the ice with a thud and you can hear a female, collective voice saying, “Oooh” with horror. Right after that, you will hear a male voice saying something like, “Welcome to hockey, boys.”

These tourney games were some of the most tense games of the season. One of the games, the opposing team parents brought two cow bells. They are loud as hell. At first, they started ringing them when their teams scored. That’s ok. Our team’s parents are very loud. We could match them. Then they started ringing those bells every time their goalie saved a shot on them. It was downright obnoxious and annoying. Even I was muttering about taking their bells and sticking them where the sun don’t shine.

Well, our sharks won their division so we had to return Wednesday morning at 8 AM for the championship game. Actually, that means leaving the house at 7 AM to get there early enough. Several of the parents were a bit unhappy about that. The kids have off school, but parents don’t necessarily have off work. But hockey families know that hockey consumes you during the season.

During the tourney, I met one of the moms that I was sitting next to. She is our goalie’s mom. Once I realized that, I told her I thought he was doing an outstanding job. She explained to me that was brought up from a lower league. He is only 11 years old! I couldn’t believe it. He is one great hockey player. During the championship game, I was sitting next to her again. This time, I realized that whenever the opposing team came in our zone, she would close her eyes and turn her head. She just can’t watch. She doesn’t want him to get hurt, she doesn’t want to see if he gets scored against because you know his heart gets broken every time. So she waits for someone to say, “He stopped it” and then she can watch again. I totally cracked up because I get it. I let her know that the coaches said they were taping the game and giving us a DVD. She can watch it after the fact.

With two minutes left in the game, one of our kids got hurt. Really got hurt. Broke his leg in two places and spent the afternoon in surgery. It was so sad and so scary. We watched the parents from the stands. The kid and both parents were cool as cucumbers. You knew that boy was in agony. I said to the other parents that I would be a train wreck if it was Frankie and I was impressed by the family’s composure. They told me I would surprise myself if I was in that situation. I realized they were right. When faced with a crisis, I usually keep my head on straight. I spring into appropriate action and know the questions to ask. When it’s all over, I’m worse than a wet noodle. As I was watching the ice, all I could think was that if it were Frankie, I would be yelling at everyone, “He is all that I have!”

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Anyhow, the boys won the championship. (The picture is the team lining up for their award. Frankie is the second from the left.) Their comrade is recovering. The men will always yell from the sidelines and not be phased by the checking. And us moms will never learn to love it and we will always gasp at the roughness of the sport. We might even turn our heads the other way :).

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Author: helpforhealing

Darcy Thiel, MA is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NY State. She earned her Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL. Ms. Thiel has been a couple and family therapist in West Seneca, New York since the mid-1990’s. Ms. Thiel is currently an adjunct professor at Medaille College in Buffalo, NY. She is also an accomplished speaker and presenter on various topics throughout the Western NY area. She is the proud author of Bitter and Sweet: A Family’s Journey with Cancer, the prequel to Life After Death, on This Side of Heaven. To learn more about Ms. Thiel and other exciting books from Baby Coop Publishing, LLC, visit her website at www.babycooppublishing.com or www.darcythiel.com Copyright Help for Healing by Darcy Thiel © 2012-2016. All rights reserved.

3 thoughts on “Hockey Moms vs. Hockey Dads

  1. Happy they won the tournament…but sad for the boy that broke his leg in 2 places. Not sure I can watch them check each other into the boards either. You are a MUCH better Hockey Mom than I would be.

  2. Wish we could have been there. congratulations to David and the team. I’m sure Tim was cheering like crazy; so unfair that he has missed all the games and goals!

  3. Your perspective is totally accurate, Darcy! I always asked Mark, “Doesn’t it hurt when you smack into each other or onto the ice?” Love watching the sport but checking and fights should not necessarily be part of the speed and skill of the game. Glad the boys did so well; keeping their teammate in our prayers. 💞

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